Life moves on..and so am I

Now here is something super exciting: I passed my CFA Level III exam! I was very excited yesterday for about 30 seconds, only to think about no more long nights, endless studies and constant worries. The glory to put the 3 letters right after my name is only secondary. 

It was a great atmosphere when everyone else I know in my company who took Level III passed it, so colleagues were congratulating me without hesitation that they might hurt someone else's feeling.

Looking back, I take a lot of pride in myself for finishing all the exams in the shortest time period possible (1½ years). There was no budget and convenient resources for tutoring, and I had no study groups, and I typed over 800 pages self-study notes and drilled over 1000 exercise questions on my own; I was under enormous pressure (not to mention I changed employer once in between) and managed to pass everything in the 1st attempt. In my CFA inbox folder, there are only 3 results-related emails ;) (would have been more if I had to take multiple attempts)

There is only 1 person I would like to thank: my boyfriend. Every time he sent me to the exam hall, made  thoughtful and nutritious lunch (no big lunch curse) for me and delivered and cheered me up SO MANY times when I was doubting myself, having meltdowns and couldn't hold it together anymore. We had a great time in my final week of cramming-we went to Geneva together and I had a nice week studying in the garden in the mountains. This will always be a cherished memory.

What did I learn from this experience? 

First of all, believe in myself. I remember many incidents where I cried 'I cannot do this anymore, no way I am passing this..' (although I only had one minor incident for Level III) but yet I always managed to pass eventually with very good marks. That should mean more confidence in my own capability going forward.

Second, have human expectations for me. For level 1 and level 2 especially, I was constantly studying, and when I didn't study very effectively on weekends, I became very anxious and frustrated and had many thoughts starting with 'I could have..'. For level 3, I was a lot more comfortable if I could not focus very well on the weekend, instead I just relaxed and did something else for a few hours. I told myself: I am human, I need to rest, and I have my up's and down's, and this is a down moment to help me go up again. 

Finally, do not give up! When I was doing mock exams, I never needed to think for the 1st or 2nd questions cuz they were so basic, and usually some excellent opportunities to bank some extra time for the later, more difficult questions. However, in the real exam, the very first question, I choked. I was totally panicking that I have already wasted 3 out of 5 minutes allocated to the question, only to have nothing written down yet. I was screaming inside..'you might just walk out of the exam hall now and spare yourself from all the embarrassment..!!'

And then I checked my watch, it had been only 30 seconds! And I said to myself, 'calm the f*** down'..and then magic happened. The question became basic again, and I finished everything within one minute. And the morning went on very smoothly. I handled the enormous pressure well and got super good scores for the morning session!

(For my traineeship, I will write down some self-development points, I will jot down all of these for it :p)

What's next for me?

• A rotation in Asia and spend more time with friends 
• Read more books (I have half a dozen books I want to finish reading, including 'de prooi')
• Learn how to photoshop and possibly get a new camera
• Pass my integration Dutch course..(urhh more exams!)

I am just glad this phase is over, time to move on and become a better person in all aspects, one little step a day.